Thanks for visiting my blog. This blog chronicles a mostly 4-year journey of love, life, and loss. It's now time to retire. However, feel free to browse and read through the posts.
My current work/projects can be accessed at www.miriamjerotich.com

Friday, December 30, 2011

212012

Happy New Year! It’s 212012 for me. I’ve just turned 21 and it’s almost 2012 and I’ve been toying with the idea of writing two posts, one inspired by my friend Brenda and the other by my 21st birthday, and since I’ve not gotten to writing any of them yet, I have decided to combine both posts into one reflective post about the coming year and turning 21. So here’s my 212012.

Turning 21 really shouldn’t be a big deal, but since it’s a life-altering moment where I school, I might as well make a big deal about it. It’s my birthday, I’m turning 21 years old, though most people claim that I’m more mature than my years, and I get asked a lot these days about where I work, how it feels almost being 30 etc. (I’ve now resolved to laugh very loudly at this or take it as a complement, though I’m not sure my family thinks I am that mature, but that’s not the story here…)

So I’m turning 21, and it’s turning 2012. It’s my 212012. What do I hope for? I’m not one to make New Year’s resolutions. I make so many that I either never keep or always forget, and I hence end up making resolutions throughout the whole year. But since ni mwaka mpya, mwamko mpya, mambo mapya, umri mpya, I might as well get on with it.

1. Here’s to continue being my BEST.

Last week, my friend Brenda mentioned how her children would be lucky because she was going to be the BEST mother. I couldn’t agree more. Brenda’s children are going to be one lucky bunch! Incidentally, Brenda reminded me what it means to be one’s best. Like her, I have always believed in being my best at all times, but mostly just in school. Brenda has challenged me to aspire to be my best, the BEST in all other aspects of my life. So here’s to working on being the best sister, daughter, friend, student, Sunday school teacher, colleague, employee, child of God. Here’s to being the BEST Miriam.

2. Here’s to submitting my WRITING to get published.

The first person to encourage me to write was my father…then my professors…then my younger sister…and now my friends. I started this blog to try and make some baby steps into the world of writing, and now, I hope to start crawling in 212012!

3. Here’s to ENJOYING EACH DAY. No more postponing fun!

Mr. Ayiro told me this past holiday to enjoy each day and not to postpone my fun. So here’s to not mourning my childhood or dreaming up my future too much. Here’s to not complaining about my current stage in life. Here’s to living each day, enjoying each day, and rocking my life!

4. Here’s to learning how to WAIT.

Thank you my amazing friends and family who continually keep up with the super impatient crazy me, answer my late night phone and skype calls and give me not very good advice, sometimes…hehe. But you’ll be happy to learn that I am now new and improved like the Harpic Suzanne Owiyo is advertising…LOL…yes, email or call for more details. :)

5. Finally, here’s to faithfully RUNNING MY RACE.

Rant alert! I get this a lot from society, that since I was good at high school, I should be studying something novel, like computational physics I suppose. I’m studying anthropology society, because I want to understand social problems and I want to come up with my own God-inspired innovative ways of tackling them. I’m NOT sorry if you think I’m not putting my brain to good use (maybe I just want to sleep), or not doing something useful for Africa. (God knows many of your doctors, engineers, and economists are holed up in this diaspora). Anyway, I got good grades in those ‘hard’ sciency subjects only because I ALWAYS put in my BEST effort, and my best just turned out to be one of the best. I don’t enjoy, still don’t, maths, physics and chemistry. But I’m being my best every day, and I’m doing it for God, sorry not you, it’s all about my Maker. I’m running the race He’s set out for ME. This time 212012, and for all time, I’m working not to compare myself, I’m not looking out to see who’s in the next lane, who’s doing A or B or C. Some run fast, some run slow…but we all get to our OWN prize at the end, and I personally just want God to be my great reward, not some earthly legacy that moths can destroy. Raundi hii, I’m running my race. And that’s it.

As usual, the overall resolution of my life and motto of this blog, thanks to Peter Ayiro, remains kwa hii life, usikawai panic!

Have a Happy New Year everyone and may God richly bless you!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Walking in a dark world…

Walking into Heathrow Airport, I was faced once again with one of my least favorite developments in airport security: the seemingly numerous full body security checks. This now normal routine, a result of the increased terrorist activities in this world, also reflected the current happenings back home in Kenya—the now normal security checks before getting into malls, buildings, and now even churches. After getting myself checked and while walking into the transit area, one thought came to my mind to reassure me.

Even as the days of this world grow darker, His grace grows even stronger, His light ever more guiding. 

Just as David must have felt writing the 23rd psalm, echoing how his Lord walked with him in the shadow of the valley of the dead, I experienced the same calm assurance; the same unwavering conviction. In that short walk, I knew that even as before, I never walk alone. I have a wandering heart, and often, the feet of my heart yearn to walk. Even then, I am hidden under the shadow of God’s wings, enveloped in the arms of Christ, and guided by His Holy Spirit. Resting in Him, even as the days of this earth grow ever darker, I know I will walk with Him even to the end of the age. But in the mean time, I will face whatever the world throws at me, using each opportunity to cause God’s name to be glorified, be it through co-operating, smiling at the security officers, saying ‘how do you do?’, you name it. Let your light shine before men, even and especially, when walking in a dark world.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

When I Leave

When I leave
To enter a new dimension with my Lord
Do not raise up an epitaph in my memory
Do not sing an ode to my praise
Do not uplift my life
And hold a communion for me each year
Forget me forever
Let the sands of time replace my memory
Let the wind blow my ashes away
And time cause my bones to decay
Forget me for the rest of your days
Let me be a happy memory of your past
A past that you must forget  
If you must remember
Then remember that once in this life
Lived an unnamed woman who loved fiercely and lived faithfully
For a man they called Jesus

We are just human

I love reading different blogs just to see what other people find interesting. One thing that I have observed is the theme of friendship. What entails a good friend, what kind of friend you are etc. Also interesting is the idea being peddled around, that some people can’t be our friends because for some reason, they were never meant to be in our lives. I consider this explanation a new age invention created to boost our self-esteem, and make us forget our own weaknesses by placing us on an imaginary pedestal above others.

You may consider someone to have hurt you, to be a terrible friend, to have forgotten to keep in contact with you. Well, before you throw the first stone, think about your own life. I know I am a best friend to some, an acquaintance to others and a terrrible friend to others. That’s why I hesitate to judge, to spitefully claim that God didn’t want some people to be in my life, that they are some sort of baggage that God didn’t intend me to carry. Although this may somewhat be true, it has the connotation that God doesn’t care about these other people, that I am so special that God would pointedly mark some people as not part of Miriam’s life. God loves those other people too, you know. Maybe He didn’t want YOU in their lives.

Consider another scenario: You lose contact someone. You were the one who never replied the text message, or never answered the email. It may be that someone somewhere has done the same thing to you—left you hanging. Hence, you are caught up in the human chain of imperfection. We can’t always be there for each other, we can’t always have a 100 friends of whom we keep constant touch with. I know I can’t. And I’m sorry for it, but I’m not beating myself about it. I’m just human, and so are you. If you are claiming now that your friends have abandoned you, chances are that you have also abandoned some unknown friend somewhere. So relax, don't panic, enjoy your life.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I’ll wait for you? Or not...

I quickly rub my palms against my shirt in a bid to dry my sweating hands, a testimony to the anxiety that had broiled within me from the beginning of the day. The feeling intensifies as I hurriedly walk into Jomo Kenyatta International Airport’s international arrival terminus. Having failed to curse the adrenalin rush within me, I opt for those fake breathing exercises that never work for me. After I confirm that they would be of no use, again, I begin looking for any distraction to bide away time as I wait for her plane to arrive.

The crowd is your usual airport bustle: an older man in a stripped black suit and red tie, probably waiting to be reunited with his now grown up-child; a group of women adorned in the customary blue “Woman’s Guild” PCEA turbans, loudly practising Kikuyu worship songs with my favourite Ngai wakwa ne munene ringing from their throats; and of course, taxi men as I like to call them, lined up in all corners of the terminus while holding various shields with hotel names, surnames, and names of tour companies. And of course, I could easily single out those who fit my stereotypical descripton—thirty-six year old single Kenyan male, fast receding hairline, seeking companionship in a stable woman aged 18-30 leading to marriage.

“Ndege aina ya KQ 778 kutoka Heathrow London imewasili…Flight KQ…” The mechanical female voice tears into my thoughts, bringing me back to the altar of anxiety on which I relented in my self-sacrifice. It’s 9.12pm. Finally, this is it.

***********

I tried writing this story to give to my friend Dush to critic before submitting to Story Moja, but for various reasons, I never finished writing it. However, I read a German book this past month that had the most wonderful quote about waiting, and I would like to share that. The name of the book, authored by Bertolt Brecht, is Der Kaukasische Kreidekreis or The Chalk Circle in English. Here it is:
Ich werde warten auf dich unter der grünen Ulme
Ich werde warten auf dich unter der kalen Ulme
Ich werde warten, bis der Letzte zurückgekehrt ist
Und danach.

In English:
I will wait for you under the green elms
I will wait for you under the bare elms
I will wait until the last one has come back
And thereafter.

So whether you are waiting on the Lord, on someone, on hope, on love, on peace, on the beautification of all things, hold on. Wait. But only wait if God wills it. Otherwise, move on.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

True Love gives Glory to God

Dear d,

I’m hardly the best person to be dishing out love advice, but I think I’ve learnt a thing or two. I’ve read your blogs, stalked you on facebook, held you when you cried, and basically heard you rant about the XY species.

My letter isn’t long, but it’s something I’ve been praying about, and something I hope you will learn. I pray that you know that true love gives glory to God. I pray that you meet a man who will love God more that he will ever love you. I pray that you know a man who will pray with you, always. I pray that you love a man who will challenge you to grow in your relationship with God, because he knows that you and God is more important than you and him.

It’s that simple and it’s not that simple. But it can be done. My dear friend Tai did it. She always reminded me that if God wills it, then it will come to pass. At the end of the day, He should reign supreme. Tai taught me so much; she had the clearest understanding of what it means to have a relationship that brings glory to God.

That said, you know that I also have my weaknesses. But I won’t, and I hope that you won’t, settle for less. Let him remind you of Christ. That is all.

And please watch this again!

Love,
m.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Come Thou Fount: Reflections on my last day in Berlin

What an adventure it's been in this country! I could write loads about it, but that's not the point here. #

Whenever I leave a place, arrive at a place, I sing and reflect on my favorite hymn Come Thou Fount. I absolutely love this hymn, and when I was chapel captain at Alliance Girls, I would try as much as possible (without being considered redundant) to ensure that we sang it on the Sundays I was leading chapel. When I listen to this hymn, I reflect on the far that the Good Lord has brought me, to Alliance Girls, to Dartmouth College, to Germany, to His Kingdom. I love this hymn like no other. Every word speaks to my life. So today, on my last day in Berlin, I sing this hymn. Thank you Lord, for the far that You have brought me. Du bist einfach großartig!

Here are the words of the hymn in the English version I prefer (by E. Margaret Clarkson), and a video of me singing the hymn version in German.

Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise His Name I'm fixed upon it
Name of God's redeeming love.


Hither to thy love has blessed me
Thou has brought me to this place
And I know thy hand will bring me
Safely home by thy good grace
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Bought me with His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
 

Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Tim und Struppi a.k.a The Adventures of Tintin...A Childhood

one of the tintin comics
A few days ago, I watched the Steven Spielberg directed movie Tim und Struppi, known in the English speaking world as The Adventures of Tintin. Because animations don't rank high up in my movie wish list, I was a bit reluctant about going to watch this on the big screen, but since I wasn't paying for my ticket, I decided to tag along. And meyn am I happy I did. Watching this movie almost made me teary-eyed. It took me right back to my childhood...oh nostalgia.

I've read all of the Tintin comics. I honestly don't know if other Kenyan kids did too. Unlike the Hardy Boys and Famous Five--also detective like children's books--Tintin had a special place in my heart. You see, my mother read Tintin to us. To this day, I still remember how she would change her voice, expressing shock, anxiety, suspense and the best part...her Indian accent. I would curl up at the crook of her feet, earnestly listening to Tintin and Snowy nab the bad guy...it was truly epic...

About three years ago, my siblings and I bought the entire collection of Tintin books. Over the years, we had kept losing our comics, and when we got the chance to replace all of our comics, we didn't hesitate. But still, it's not the same. I can't curl up at my mother's feet, I can't go back to being truly enthralled by Tintin through my mother. I miss those days, the Tintin days, the childhood days...

On the other hand, watch the movie if you haven't yet.