I Thank You Lord

I thank you Lord,
For the life that I live today,
I thank you Lord,
For the peace that You have given me,
Oh Lord,
I thank you Lord 
Each day as it passes by
I thank you Lord
For you are always there with me.

I thank you Lord,
For all of my family
Mummy and Daddy
Jebiwott and Boi,
Chelang'a,
And our pretty Precious
I thank you Lord,
For you are always there with them.

Aschenputtel

Reading My Face

When I was younger, people often commented that I always seemed to be happy because I was ever smiling. What they failed to realize, however, was that my upper incisors were protruding and thus I would, more often than not, have my mouth in a fixed smile. Nevertheless, my face did not give any misconceptions. On most days I am filled with unexplainable joy, or I let my mind wander to a distant happy memory that involuntarily makes my lips curl into a smile.

As I gradually stepped into the adult world, I discovered new facial expressions. In this world, my smile fizzled into a frown, which I thought signified wisdom and knowledge. I cringed when embarrassed, trembled when anxious, furrowed my eyebrows when uncertain, and even had a distant look when I first fell in love. As is with the advent of age, I came to discover my true colors. The mask of my face became my ally in guarding my privacy and my true feelings.

No one can see the sad girl who sometimes hides behind the veil of joy and wisdom. Indeed no one can imagine that I have anxieties about my future life or that I am terrified of disappointing my parents. Even more important, no one realizes that I harbor a great hope and trust that all things eventually work out for the good. Luckily, my face affords me this luxury, which I hold dearly.

In spite of this evolution, my mask does not always hold true to its calling. Once during dinner at Collis Café, one of the cooks remarked, “You are always smiling!” I didn’t realize until then how effective my face had been in giving him a glimpse of my personality. In just a little bit over two and a half weeks, a total stranger knows that I am easy-going and for the most part a happy person.





My smile, it turns out, takes precedence over the anxieties and insecurities, which, I am certain, will phase out with time. Despite discovering new masks and even undergoing orthodontic treatment, the smile of my childhood endures on to portray the most important things about me.

Living Like Jonathan

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town. 1 Samuel 20:42

Every child with a Christian upbringing grows up listening to the story of David. According to the Bible, David was a feeble young man, who God used to accomplish great tasks. David was the youngest of his brothers, yet he killed a lion and single-handedly led to the victory of the Israelites in battle by killing Goliath. Israel was at the time being attacked by the Philistine nation, which had a mighty weapon-the giant Goliath. Every man in the army was terrified, but young David confronted the giant and saved Israel. Interestingly, the story of David does not strike a chord in my heart, as does the story of Jonathan, his best friend. His story is one I honor and deeply cherish, right from the time I did colorings of him in Sunday school, to the time I delivered my first sermon about him.

Jonathan was the son of the king of Israel, Saul. He also happened to be the best friend of his father’s primary enemy-David. David’s defeat of Goliath catapulted him to super-stardom, overshadowing the king’s. Filled with contempt for the spotlight that was on David, Saul set out to kill him. Jonathan, who ‘loved David more than he loved himself’, warned him Saul’s plans, thereby saving David from death. A power struggle ensued in the following years, resulting in the death of Saul and his entire household. David was established as king of all Israel. He did however, remember his friend Jonathan, and sought to find out if any of his family was still alive. Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s cripple son, was the only remaining member of the family, but David felt so much compassion for him on account of his father, that he invited him to eat at the king’s table all the days of his life. He also gave back to him all the land and servants of his grandfather, Saul. This story of love and karma is in many ways a reflection of my grund.

I am a middle child and I suffer from undiagnosed middle child syndrome. Some years back when my mother addressed a get-well-soon card to my sister, who had just had surgery, she forgot to write my name. I had always felt so forgotten that I learnt to work hard in school and get very good grades, which I believed, would attract my parents’ attention. My not so brilliant idea worked perfectly for years, until I realized that being in the limelight is not everyone’s destiny. My syndrome had surreptitiously spilled into every facet of my life, driving me ever so passionately to what I believed to be the ideal existence- a David in my own world.

The story of Jonathan has provided a source of solace for me throughout my life, albeit unconsciously. Growing up with him slowly sobered me into reality. When I colored a drawing of him in Sunday school, I didn’t know I was coloring the image of a man, whose life would lead to a defining moment in my own life. When I delivered a sermon about his life in my high school chapel, I knew then, that my life was slowly coming full circle.

Jonathan had a choice. He could betray his friend David and become king himself. It was his birthright after all. Yet he chose to remain true to their friendship, and his generation was rewarded for this act of faithfulness. Some of us were not born to be the stars, but to support the stars; to be faithful to them and steer them towards their destiny. I have encountered many stars in my short life, and my competitive spirit has had a very hard time accepting that I needed to be Jonathan to them. My obsessive desire to be the first in every examination was, in view of this fact, simply a product of my inner struggle for attention. What I needed to understand though, was that I could focus on helping others improve academically, and, in this respect, become like Jonathan.

Learning to live like Jonathan monumentally transformed my outlook on life. Of course I know that I do not live in 1000BC, and I have no Mephibosheth, who will come after me to benefit from my input in others’ lives. I am nevertheless filled with pleasure and peace when I consider that I can be, in essence, a musical note in someone’s symphony of life. My presence, I hope, will make the performance of that symphony, all the more fulfilling for him or her.

Das Schweigen Brechen: Meinungen zum Selbstmord

Letztes Jahr beging einen jungen Somalier Selbstmord. Die Annahme lag nah, dass er wegen der Schwierigkeiten im Leben aus Viewpark Towers sprang. Dieses Trimester haben wir über eine Mutter, die sich getötet hat, gehört. Sie hat unter Armut gelitten, deswegen hätte sie ihr das Schulgeld für ihre Kinder nicht leisten können.

Infolge dieser Vorfällen, habe ich mich gefragt: Wie werden Leute so anstrengend bis sie sich umbringen? Ich vermute, dass ich die Antwort weiβ.

Ich leide an Depression. Einerseits bin ich glücklich, andererseits, traurig. Ich konnte nicht darauf vorbereiten. Ganz plötzlich errinere ich mich an alles, was in meinem Leben nicht stimmt. Ich quäle mich mit dem Gedanken an die Einschüchterung während meiner Kindheit. Eingedenk meiner Freunden, denen ich nicht vertrauen können hätte. Ich wird ganz allein. Niemand weiβ, wie ich etwa durchlebe. Depression ist eine schlimme Krankheit. Man wird sehr traurig, sehr anstrengend und hat kein Angst mehr vor dem Tod. Man konnte sich einfach töten, es fragt nur wann und wie.

Würden mehre Leute über Selbstmord sprechen! Keine Person steht einen Tag auf und sagt aus, dass sie sich umbringen wollte. Nur die geistig behinderte Leute geben solchen Gedanken Raum. Mir gehört zu dieser Gruppe.

Um sich das Leben zu nehmen, braucht man groβen Mut. Eine Person soll vollig überzeugt, dass ihres Lebens nicht mehr froh wird. In diesem Zustand konnte man dann das Leben ein Ende macht.

Trotz meiner Selbstmordgedanken, fürchte ich mich vor dem Tod. Ich bin ein Feigling, aber anhand meiner Feiglingkeit, bin ich noch am Leben.

Ich bin der Auffasung, dass alle Pflicht daran sind, wenn eine Person sich um die Ecke bringen. Jede Person hat eine Unterstützungsystem; nicht nur unsere Familie sondern auch die Menschen, die um uns sind. Obgleich wir für unsere Nachbarn sorgen sollten, denken wir nur an unsere Leben. Wir sind so blind dass wir nicht sehen können, woran Andere leiden. Nach dem Tod eine Person, errineren wir uns an ihr Leben. Wir stellen Fragen über ihr Leben. Da wir an die Frohlichkeit des Lebens glauben, beurteilen wir ihre Taten. In Wahrheit könnten wir ihr Leben nicht erfahren, ihr Pein erleben. Die Antwort liegt nicht an Beurteiligung. Wir sollten uns fragen ,Was hätte ich Verschiedens machen können? ‘ Sich zu blamieren ist nicht genug. Wir wissen den Grund ihrer Taten nicht. Eine gute Möglichkeit wäre, dass sie alle Hoffnungen hätten verlieren können. Ihr Leben war so leer, sie konnten sich nicht mehr entspannen, das Leben nicht mehr genieβen.


Also, wenn Sie von einem Selbstmord hören, statt plötzlich dem Schluβ zu kommen, fragen Sie sich ,Kenne ich jemanden, dem ich helfen kann?’ Wenn Sie niemand kennen, dann errineren Sie sich an Freundlichkeit. Erzählen Sie Ihrer Familie und Freunde von deiner Liebe! Seien Sie dankbar und empfänglich für sie! Sie wissen nicht, ob seine Wörter sie vor Selbstmord schützen werden!